Summary:

In this poetic piece, the author reflects on the unexpected and unintended consequences of their words and actions during the COVID-19 pandemic. They express regret for wanting to go home, withdraw, and escape from too much talking and studying. They didn't mean for their prayers for the Earth to heal to result in being forced to pack up and leave, leaving friends and music behind. They didn't anticipate the impact of canceling convocation or the fear and isolation that would ensue. The author laments the loss of normalcy and the realization that they unknowingly experienced many "last times."

Takeaways:

🔹 Be mindful of the unintended consequences of your words and actions during challenging times.

🔹 Appreciate the value of friends, community, and personal connections.

🔹 Cherish the familiar and take notice of the "last times" before they're gone.

🔹 Reflect on the impact of large-scale events on individuals and society as a whole.

🔹 Find strength and resilience in adapting to unexpected circumstances.

This isn’t what I meant

When I said I wanted to go home.

This isn’t what I meant

When I said there was too much talking,

Too much grouping,

And I wanted to withdraw

Just for a little while.

Please,

Just a little while, I promise

An then I’ll come right back.

This isn’t what I meant

When I said I wanted my studies

To just be over.

This isn’t what I meant

When I fell asleep praying

For the Earth to heal.

I didn’t mean,

Force all my things into boxes

Almost two months early

And drive away from the city I lived in,

Never again to call it home.

I didn’t mean,

Leave my friends behind

Without even so much as a goodbye

Or a thank you

For the four years of growth

That they had given me.

I didn’t mean,

Take away the music,

My blue and purple,

90 Wellesley, Room 127.

I didn’t mean

Tear families apart,

One on one continent

And the other on another.

I didn’t mean

Cancel my convocation –

Years of hard work

With nothing to show for it.

I didn’t mean,

Even though dolphins are swimming

And the air and waters are clearing,

To keep everyone inside

Or else people would die.

I didn’t mean everyone should fear for their grandparents everyone couldn’t see their sisters and their cousins everyone couldn’t kiss their other halves everyone must worry about their family trapped abroad for everyone to either be too afraid or not afraid at all I didn’t mean

I didn’t mean to do

So many things

For the last time

Without knowing

It was the last time.

First published in The Soap Box Press’ blog, September 2020.